Layla's space

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Slightly less hysterical now....

Many thanks to Michael and Charakan for your supportive comments. I must admit the idea of buggering off to New Zealand was tempting!

Things are better. My background stress levels are still fairly high but I'm on much more of an even keel at the moment. I think I have finally 'settled in' after 2 months in the job. I am, of course, still very much a small and very junior fish in a big pond, but I'm learning.

As for my boss...well, he's OK I suppose. I've learned to read his moods a bit better and have developed a slightly thicker skin in that, if I need to interrupt him in clinic and ask a question, I just brace myself and do it. I ask perfectly reasonable questions and I do so in order to provide better care for our patients, so if he wants to be shitty about it that's his problem. Well, that's what I tell myself anyway.

Anyhoo...just wanted to make a note that things are indeed better and I'm a bit less mad. I still have the feeling that there's an invisible anvil hanging above my head just waiting to fall on me though. I constantly question my decisions and worry about whether I've done the right thing, but actually that is probably going to make me a better oncologist. So that's fine. Now I just have to work on not thinking about work when I'm not there and not dreaming about it so much. Will keep you posted, and will also try and find something more interesting to write about than my state of mind. I'm even boring myself.